The Blame Game

I'm an idiot.

I didn't pay my student loan on time (who has that kind of money), so I kept receiving notices my account was past due.  I was getting around to it, but needed to get to some other stuff first.  Anyway, "Mas'a Sallie Mae" was paid on Sunday, but still kept sending me notices, so I paid them again thinking the other payment didn't go through.  After poking around on the website, I found that I had paid them twice! What the heck?! I was more than heated to say the least.

I called to see if they would post date the payment for the next month.  No. So, I called my bank to cancel the payment.  They said because two payments were sent in the same amount, the cancellation could void both of my payments...thereby putting my account into further delinquency.  Blast! I told them to cancel it anyway and see what would happen.

Alas, I received an email yesterday to say one payment had been received.  Then I received another email today saying the second payment had been received.  Double blast! My bank account isn't negative or anything, but that money was supposed to be for my son's childcare tuition. Thank goodness my aunt owns the center he attends, so she's not overly trippin'.  I do respect her business, though and hate when I don't make payments on time.

What is the point? I bring all this up to say I was only mad about all of this for a total of 8.5 seconds.  The way I used to act, I would have cussed everyone at both institutions out for not being able to fix my self-inflicted issue.  Nope!  Not anymore. Granted, it is okay to be upset in a given situation, but channeling your frustration in the right direction is what people often forget. 

This situation made me think about all of the other times I have gone off on people because I did something wrong, but was so blinded by my anger that I let them have it when I should have served myself like Marques Houston!  Let's be honest here, I goes off...yes, I know I said 'goes..' and I really need to be more conscious of whether or not my frustration is justified and channeled in the right direction.

I feel all people have valid thoughts and emotions, but channel that energy where it ought to be.  I can't get made at Sallie Mae or US Bank because they won't reserve the results of my ignorance.  I need to look myself in the mirror and have a GOST (Get Our S**t Together) Meeting!  Why don't you have the money to pay two months at once?  Um, because I bought two new dresses, a pair of sandals, ate out four out of seven days of the week...Yeah, PERSPECTIVE...put your stuff in it like a basket at Wal-Mart, homie!

This is why I can't get mad at others unnecessarily. I need to take a moment to realize what's really going on and deal with what missteps I've take to be in the situation in the first place. I think this kind of introspection will help me to be more rational in thought before reacting in situations.

To be honest, I doubt this will be easy for me, but I am committed to trying so I can be a more level-headed, rational person.

Join me, why do cha'!

Room(dot)