I am beginning to realize that I need to transition some people from where they are now to where they need to be. While things we used to do were fun when we used to do them, every situation can't continuously play itself out the same way forever without being just that...played out.
I say transition because I don't necessarily want to phase a select few out altogether, but just change their current position in my life to be less....complicated? involved? messy? I don't know, just not what it is now.
Follow Through Fail.1 (see yesterday's post) followed through yesterday (amazing what happens when you call out to the universe for what you want). We hung out, had dinner, chilled for a hot minute and then talked for hours about relationships, expectations from the opposite sex, five-year plans, families and some more stuff. While I will take a compliment and got a new one yesterday (goooooo me!), I liked our conversation so much more than the original intent for us to get together.
Periodically, my friends and I entertain conversations about whether or not a hetero male and female can just be friends. I think it's possible provided you grew up with the person and have always considered them your sibling or they dated one of your friends, so you can't see them 'like that', but transitioning from someone you messed with to just a friend isn't as easy as it sounds.
This is why the 'it's complicated' button was created on Facebook! It's like 'I want you close enough when I want you, but when I don't, please go away....wait, wait, wait; not that far!! I still need to be able to see you and have you when I want, if I change my mind. Oh, and don't date anyone else while I am figuring out what to do with you because even though I don't want you this second, I will in the next minute...' Yeah, that's some complicated Sugar Honey Ice Tea and the story of my life because though I hate to say it, I am jealous sometimes. I like to have my cake and eat it too, really.
My first and I transitioned to just friends...he's even the Godfather of my only begotten. I think it was easy for us because we were but sprouts when we first knew each other biblically and as we grew, realized we didn't want each other like that anymore. He and I currently enjoy the greatest relationship--true blue homies who talk to each other about the people we date is great detail...like Great Lakes detail! I ran into a girl he messed with for a while one time and couldn't look her in the eye because of all I know about her!! LOL. He and I fit better as friends. No jealousy. No resentment or regret for not pursuing each other. We had our ran. The race finished and now we are chillin' in our sweats, drinking Gatorade watching the other people run in circles...
I can't do that with everyone, but I want to! It would be so great! Granted, I am very aware I need to step out of my feelings to achieve that goal, but so do the people I deal with! My son's father and I are definitely not there. He had a girlfriend for two years after I left and I couldn't stomach hearing about her. Granted, I don't (peep the present tense) like her for 1,435,869 reasons, so that may play a role in why he and I can't transition to being happy for the other. Oh! And the fact that he sucks at being a 'here-parent', but whatever. Why did I bring that up? I'm off the point right now....
Anyway. What I was saying initially is that there are some people in an odd space right now that I need to commit to one place or the other. Ol' boy from yesterday is lingering between hither and yon (please read Oh, The Places You'll Go by Dr. Seuss...not just for kids, I promise you.) Like I mentioned before, we chilled yesterday, but the conversation that followed really showed me that we should be friends...friends who can recall and laugh about awesome encounters, but friends only. He's still caught up on this girl he had plans to marry and I am just selfish...I want too much from people deal with. It's like I want the perks of a relationship, but don't label it that...I need to be free to fly like a peacock (see 'The Other Guys') when I want. I can push a 'complicated' button for my own self if it really existed!
So, where I am now is looking forward to seeing this guy again to see if it's possible for us to break out of what we normally do to just be friends. I am quite the weak person when in the presence of certain individuals, but I need to try. Most guys I used to deal with faded to black like Jay-Z, so we haven't been able to test the waters of friends. We were just hot and heavy, then nothing in the next moment. The few who are still around are lingering between two points like a segment. We're mad the other made choices that weren't in 'our' best interests to survive or walked away from the other without so much as an explanation, so things are open or closed, but ugly. I'm still waiting to catch one in the streets to see how things will go! That sounds like I want to fight him, I really don't. I just want to see how our conversation, if we can be cordial at all, with go.
Yesterday, though, really showed me there is at least one who is showing shows of being able to handle a new assignment. I hope we make it. I was pretty pulled together listening to him talk about this girl he wants to be with and some girl he was with recently. I even cracked a couple jokes about the whole situation...I think that's a tale-tell (<---is that right?) sign to me that we can handle just being friends. It may be rough at first, but there is no resolve in continuously dealing with someone because they are 'there'. It's been my experience that that's how unnecessary feelings and attachments develop. Now, you're mad when you see each other out because 'you thought you were more than just cut buddies' and they are just parading around another person. Yeah, you thought you were more but they didn't get the memo! That's never fun.
I can't be broke down about someone who is not willing to be broke down about me at some point. So, how do I fix that? I work hard to convert lingering people into friends in which the only attached emotion is gratitude that we are adult enough to arrive at our destination safely--STRICTLY PLATONIC FRIENDS (with a past, of course, but not looking to bust that open again unless in light conversation and used as an example only!)
I know it's possible, I just have to commit to the idea and not look back because I am not going there…
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